How Often Do You Give People A Good Telling On?

When a person steps into a conversation, whether casual or formal, the first question that often surfaces is how often you give people a good telling on them. The phrase “good telling” refers to an honest, transparent explanation of what someone truly thinks or feels about a particular situation. It’s a skill that carries both ethical weight and practical impact, and it can shape the quality of relationships, the flow of information, and the overall environment in which people operate.

Defining a Good Telling

A good telling is not merely a blunt statement; it involves thoughtful consideration, empathy, and the right context. It acknowledges the listener’s emotional capacity and the potential consequences of the information. When executed correctly, it can clarify misunderstandings, motivate improvement, or simply validate someone’s feelings. When handled poorly, it can feel accusatory, diminish trust, or provoke defensive reactions.

When Should You Offer a Good Telling?

The timing of a good telling is critical. One should ask whether the situation warrants candid feedback. Situations where the stakes are high-such as a work project deadline, a health decision, or a family matter-often justify a more thorough explanation. However, the same level of detail is unnecessary in lighthearted contexts like a casual get‑to‑know‑you conversation.

Professional Settings

In professional contexts, a good telling is often reserved for performance reviews, project critiques, or policy changes. Employees appreciate transparent guidance when it helps them understand expectations and improve performance. Research in organizational behavior suggests that timely, specific feedback increases engagement and productivity. Yet, frequent blunt feedback can cause burnout, so managers must balance transparency with support.

Personal Relationships

In friendships or romantic partnerships, a good telling might involve discussing boundaries, expectations, or future plans. The key is to match the intensity of the message with the closeness of the relationship. A strong, honest conversation with a long‑time friend can deepen trust, while the same approach with a new acquaintance might feel inappropriate.

Frequency Guidelines

there's no one-size-fits-all answer, but several guidelines help determine appropriate frequency:

Assess the Context- If the subject involves long‑term consequences, a thorough telling is warranted.Consider Emotional Readiness- Gauge whether the person can receive the message without feeling overwhelmed.Use a Growth Mindset- Frame the telling as a learning opportunity rather than criticism.Limit Repetition- Avoid repeating the same message excessively; repeated exposure can lead to message fatigue.

Practically, most people find that a good telling is most effective when given once or twice in a specific context. Over‑telling can dilute the impact, while under‑telling may leave the recipient confused or dissatisfied. For example, a manager might share a constructive critique during a scheduled review and follow up only if significant progress is observed.

Signs It’s Time for a Good Telling

Recognizing when a good telling is necessary hinges on observing clear signals:

Repeated Misunderstandings- When miscommunication occurs often, a deeper explanation becomes essential.Stagnation in Performance- Persistent underperformance suggests that the individual needs clearer guidance.Emotional Clashes- Frequent conflicts indicate that underlying issues require open discussion.Legal or Ethical Compliance- Certain roles demand explicit communication to ensure adherence to standards.

When these signs appear, preparing a concise, honest narrative can prevent escalation and foster resolution.

Preparing Your Message

A well‑structured telling starts with clarity. Identify the core issue, gather facts, and outline potential solutions. Using a three‑step format-state the problem, explain the impact, propose next steps-keeps the conversation focused. This structure not only delivers the necessary information but also signals respect for the listener’s time.

Managing Emotional Responses

Delivering a good telling often triggers emotions. Anticipating reactions-such as defensiveness or denial-enables smoother communication. Acknowledging the person’s feelings and inviting dialogue can transform a confrontational moment into a collaborative exchange. Active listening during the telling ensures that the recipient feels heard, reducing the likelihood of resentment.

Follow‑Up and Continuous Improvement

After the initial telling, setting clear checkpoints helps maintain momentum. This approach prevents the conversation from ending prematurely and encourages ongoing dialogue. Regular but purposeful check‑ins-usually monthly or quarterly, depending on the topic-allow both parties to evaluate progress and adjust strategies.

Key Takeaways

1. A good telling should be reserved for situations where clarity can drive significant change.

2. Timing matters; too frequent or too sparse communication can undermine the message’s effectiveness.

3. Tailor the depth and frequency of the telling to the relationship’s context and the recipient’s emotional capacity.

4. Structure your telling with a clear problem statement, impact analysis, and actionable next steps.

5. Follow up with periodic reviews to sustain progress and adapt to evolving circumstances.

Final Thought

Mastering how often to give people a good telling is a skill that balances honesty with sensitivity. By carefully assessing context, preparing a clear message, and monitoring emotional responses, you can transform brief encounters into opportunities for growth. The true power of a good telling lies in its ability to illuminate, motivate, and ultimately strengthen the bonds between individuals.