Malpractice of the Mouth

Understanding Verbal Violence in the Workplace

When the first words that come out of a manager’s mouth are “I can’t stand this!” or “You’ve got to step up your game,” it signals a deeper problem: the mouth is taking over before the mind can formulate a constructive response. That’s the hallmark of what some call “malpractice of the mouth.” It’s a pattern where people use harsh language - yelling, swearing, or throwing insults - as a substitute for genuine communication. These actions are not just a matter of style; they’re a manifestation of unmanaged frustration, a craving for control, and often a fear of being perceived as weak.

In a professional setting, the space for such behavior is essentially non‑existent. A workplace built on trust, respect, and productivity cannot survive repeated incidents of verbal aggression. The problem escalates when leaders or supervisors become the source of the abuse. They may believe that shouting or using profanity commands authority, but the result is the opposite: employees feel devalued, defensive, or terrified. Over time, morale drops, turnover rises, and the company’s reputation suffers.

People who resort to shouting or cursing are often doing so in the same way a person who throws a punch does. The words are the fist; the effect is the same. Yet, unlike a physical punch, a harsh comment can be delivered silently in a meeting, across a phone call, or in an email - making it harder to call out or confront. The real problem is that the individual using this strategy has not yet learned how to express anger or dissatisfaction in a healthy, constructive manner. This gap is not a fixed trait; it can be bridged with the right support.

Organizations have an ethical and practical stake in correcting this behavior. Employees who consistently perform well, but lack soft‑skills or emotional intelligence, still represent valuable assets. When these employees are repeatedly subjected to or engaged in verbal aggression, the whole team’s performance suffers. The question becomes whether the organization should invest in training or intervention. Most people will answer yes, but the real hurdle lies in the employee’s willingness to engage with that training.

Willingness is the gateway to transformation. No amount of hours spent in a workshop can override a lack of desire to change. Training will provide strategies, but the employee must be open to applying them. To illustrate this point, I once taught a module on “Managing Difficult People” that many agencies sent their staff to. A woman attended this workshop three times over three years. After her third session, she told me, “I don’t understand why I keep being sent to this course. I know the material by heart. It’s a waste of resources.” Her repeated attendance was a symptom: she knew what was being said but could not translate it into personal behavior. She was, by many definitions, the poster child of the “difficult person.” Her intelligence and understanding were intact; her inability to implement change was the barrier. That scenario underscores how crucial internal motivation is.

It’s also essential to differentiate confrontation from confrontation with hostility. Confrontation, when approached correctly, is a face‑to‑face exchange that acknowledges differing viewpoints. It requires a foundation of communication skills and a willingness from both parties to listen. A “confrontation” that devolves into yelling or name‑calling loses the opportunity for growth and instead escalates tension.

Most instances of verbal violence stem from a need for attention, respect, or control - needs that arise from fear. If the person feels vulnerable, they might lash out to protect themselves or to reassert dominance. For a victim, recognizing these underlying fears does not excuse the behavior; it clarifies the root cause. What matters is the outcome: the aggressor must change, and the victim must assert boundaries. Verbal violence in the workplace is a form of harassment, and it deserves the same seriousness with which we treat any other form of harassment.

When a manager uses harsh language as a management style, the organization faces a dilemma. They must either accept a toxic environment or intervene. Accepting it leads to alienation and burnout - exactly what the aggressor fears. Therefore, companies should adopt policies that address verbal aggression explicitly, encouraging a culture of respectful dialogue. This may involve training programs, mentorship, or coaching. The ultimate goal is to shift from a culture where “the mouth reigns” to one where “the mind leads.”

For any organization that values its people, the first step is to recognize that verbal aggression is a serious problem. Once acknowledged, the next steps involve both individual reflection for the aggressor and proactive boundary setting for the victim. The rest of this piece will walk through practical steps each party can take to break the cycle of mouth‑based malpractice.

Practical Steps to Stop the Cycle of Mouth‑Based Malpractice

When the first sign of verbal aggression appears - whether a raised voice during a meeting or a curt email - action is required. The process is simple: identify the behavior, reflect on the triggers, set clear boundaries, and seek help if necessary. The goal is to convert a reactive mouth into a strategic mind.

Step one for the person who’s shouting is to pause. Take a deep breath. Consider why you’re reacting this way. Are you feeling disrespected? Do you sense a lack of control? Once you identify the underlying emotion, you can assess whether your reaction is proportionate. If you find the response disproportionate, it’s a signal that you need to adjust. Ask yourself if the words you’re about to say will help resolve the situation or just inflame it.

For the person receiving the aggression, the first action is to remain calm. Avoid mirroring the tone; instead, adopt a neutral stance. A brief, firm statement can be effective: “I’m not comfortable with how that’s being said.” This communicates that the behavior is unacceptable without escalating the situation further. If the aggressor continues, you can add, “Let’s discuss this when we can speak respectfully.” By doing so, you establish a boundary and remove the opportunity for further verbal abuse.

Once boundaries are set, the next logical step is to document the incident. Keep a record of what was said, when it occurred, and who was present. This documentation is crucial if the situation escalates or if you need to involve human resources. It also helps you recognize patterns - if you notice the same person using harsh language repeatedly, you have a stronger case for intervention.

For those who repeatedly find themselves in confrontational situations, it’s worth exploring whether the environment itself is fostering this behavior. If a manager consistently uses aggressive language, the organization must examine its policies and culture. An open dialogue with human resources or a senior leader can bring attention to the issue. Many organizations have formal complaint processes for harassment that include verbal aggression; use them if needed.

On the organizational side, training is essential. It’s not enough to simply provide workshops; the training must focus on emotional intelligence, active listening, and conflict resolution. Employees should be encouraged to practice these skills in role‑play scenarios and receive constructive feedback. Those who attend repeatedly should be checked on for progress, not just participation. A follow‑up survey or one‑on‑one coaching can gauge whether the employee is applying what they learned.

To address a “difficult person” who refuses to internalize the material, managers can set up a structured improvement plan. This plan should include specific behavioral targets, regular check‑ins, and measurable outcomes. If the person still fails to improve after several attempts, the organization may need to consider more serious consequences - such as demotion or dismissal. That step, however, should be a last resort after all support options have been exhausted.

For the employee who is the target of verbal aggression, empowerment comes from learning assertiveness skills. Techniques such as the “broken record” - repeating your request or boundary calmly and consistently - can help you maintain your stance without feeding the aggressor’s emotional fire. If the situation escalates to a point where you feel unsafe, it’s crucial to seek help from a supervisor, HR representative, or even an external counselor. You should never feel obligated to endure disrespect because it feels “just a normal part of work.”

In practice, the best results come from a two‑way approach. The aggressor learns to replace yelling with constructive feedback, while the victim learns to set boundaries assertively. When both sides practice these skills, the workplace transforms into a space where ideas are exchanged openly, conflicts are resolved without drama, and productivity soars.

Finally, remember that the responsibility to model respectful communication extends beyond the workplace. Whether you’re dealing with a colleague, a friend, or a family member, setting a standard for how you expect to be treated forces others to mirror that respect. Over time, these personal boundaries shape a culture that values mind over mouth.

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, San Diego, CA. All rights reserved worldwide.
International speaker, coach, author & talk radio host, Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, is an expert motivator. She provides strategies and motivation to shift results from acceptable to exceptional in life and business. Subscribe to her three free ezines at optimizelifenow.com.